Last But One


I thought you'd never ask.

We have been texting since morning and you mentioned at some point that the night would be quiet. 

When was he gonna ask me out? We'd not seen each other since Monday. It was Friday night, my last but one night in Lisboa.

"Wanna grab a coffee?",  his question and my release finally arrived.

At nine pm he arrived at my door. He was cool and distant. Yeah, you had read my blog, yeah you hated me now. We had not touched the subject yet and would we ever? I was not sure if and how to start.

Why are you so rude and cruel. The city was supporting Bane, it was dark, cold and raining hard.


I was quiet and I felt like I was boring. Notice the difference. Not bored. Boring. Somehow, I managed to squeeze "Tell me a story" out of myself. "What would you like to hear about?" I went: "Tell me about yourself, your childhood..."

He started telling me His story. It was a sad and interesting plot about him loosing people he loved before turning 20. And how he turned into a "dark side recruit". That and a scout leader. The uncombineable combination. A la "welcome to the dark side. We have biscuits. Wink." We stopped at the petrol station. The Portuguese have cosy petrol stops with green plant walls and a coffee service. We were served by a young girl named Joana and she smiled when I said her name. 

Bane met some guys, they joined our company and spoke Portuguese whilst smoking, just like he knew I like the language. The whole voluminous stream of "sh" and "ch" words constantly hit my ears, I was watching the lips and gestures making my guesses about the content of the talk. I loved the sound. We stood there for a while. He teased me offering a cigarette. You know too much for my taste now. I shook my head denying the dark offer. He secretly smiled. It was a conspiracy smile which I liked. Blogging is paying off... So there we were, him chatting to the guys and smoking, me sipping my coffee and breathing in the smell of his cigarette, enjoying the night.


Talk to me, teach me something. My inner child shouted for attention and something new... "It's Spanish!" - he suddenly snipped at me and I stood there surprised and blinking at him, so he continued - "Sí is Spanish." He said Spanish as if it was a liverpool fan pronouncing "manchester united". Bane went on, changing his tone:  "Sim is Portuguese, [Siñ]",  he almost sang that short word to me. I continue sim-singing ever since. I learnt. At some point,  once one guy finished complaining bout switching gears of his car, Bane whispered "Let's go" to me. I would follow if you asked, that's why your almost silent "let's go" was nodded off by me in no time. Once in the car (driving was his element) he continued with the story. The dark side was explained more, and then the relationships: him meeting a girl and her cheating on him after five years of dating;  then another girl, same story after two years, worst bit being his best friend was "that other guy". Maybe best dark friends take the dark side a notch too seriously?! "I do not trust anyone", Bane concluded. Then he added: "And the question is, if I do not trust anybody. Why then do I trust you?...". Silence. He then prompted: "You know the answer." Silence.

I sat there silently, too excited about the conversation. He carried on: "The day shift team-leader knows all about you, how I feel and what has been happening".

How am I supposed to feel now? What does the day shift team-lead know that I don't know yet? What is it?!

*** He had to start his job in 20 minutes, so he stopped close to my place, tracking the planes closely on his phone app. 


My question about what he particularly liked about his Ex'es, he answered with "eyes, smiles, good hearts". Appearances mainly, I concluded innerly. 

"Good hearts are rare, it is not purely black or white", I thought.  "Be honest, do you have a boyfriend or someone special?" he asked me. 

I thought you'd never ask. I told him I was seeing someone.  "Is it Tiger?" he continued.  "Yes currently it is him", I replied. 

You read my blog damn carefully.  Silence. "It hurts." He said. "Knowing that there is someone else." How did we even get here, the Wondergirl wondered. "One thing won't change - I will still be your friend. And I showed you places not because I am collecting hearts, but 'cos I wanted to", he said and added: "One more thing - the dark side is not a mask. And I do not want to be saved."

"Z' that all?" I asked myself fearfully and felt the time slipping through my fingers. Tick-tock. He went: "There is much more that I could tell you."  I turned to him: "Tell me." Cheeky monkey. I did not think anyone of us wanted the night or the tention to stop. Bane smiled: "No, I am not going to do that."  I turned back straight in the seat, ready to go home. He started the engine: "When will I see you again?"  I thought you'd never ask. I do not know. I am flying away in under 48 hours. Tick-tock. And even if you were right to be distant,  and even if you promised to keep being a friend... I could not offer more in return, than one thing...One thing, that I did not want to change: a kiss on the cheek to say good bye. That night, it was seasoned with a slight stroke on the chin. Spring time "satenderness".

The car turned around the corner and vanished from my sight. And a sad late night embraced me. The last but one. Xoxo.