Shout It From The Roof Tops

I feel like a coward, like a liar. As if I exposed someone. Someone like Bane. 

Thursday morning,  my usual routine started with switching WiFi back on, whilst making breakfast in the kitchen. "A new visitor from Lisbon, Portugal is currently on your Wix Website" the push notification said. "I hope it's not Bane but some tourists",  I thought to myself being pretty sure it is unlikely to be Bane. 

I have multiple instagrams to live out all sides of my life, hashtags do the do (attracting instagrammers to my Wondergirl account), I thought. Tourists in Lisbon are attracted via Instagram to the blog and that's good I thought. How on Earth did Instagram suggest to Bane to follow specifically my Wondergirl account, stays unknown. But it did. 

And as of four hours back Thursday morning,  he was officially following me. 

First of my romance hero, who now knows about what I do, what I think, how I truly feel and what romantic history I had. A public journal if you will. Things I cannot say but only write. Not meant for the eyes of my main characters! 

Go Britney! She goes: "Oops!"

Why is my account public?  Bane's is not, smart chap.

Everything, that I did after that news, was as if I was in the fog or dreaming. My heart pumped hard then stopped then beat in panic again. I was afraid to re-read what was published on my website last night and before. What did he think? He probably hated me and all. 

Does it matter that he never asked and I never admitted? Does it matter that I like him? Does it matter that we never know but need to decide to take chances and to trust? Does it matter that I was grateful for each encounter and never took him for granted (saw him as a blessing instead)? Does it matter that for me it was a romantic and great Lisbon story to stay in Lisbon? 

How did he find my blog, bloody-hell-Instagram-i-normally-like-you-but-not-now ??!?

He texted to wish me good morning that day, but none of us mentioned the blog.

What do girls normally do if they feel sad? As per Barny's mantra "stop feeling sad, feel awesome instead",  girls put on their red lipstick and get on with their lives. Regardless. I did not have my red lipstick there. And I was not a girl, I was a Wondergirl. Useless Barny.

I got dressed and went off to Cacilhas for my paragliding experience which I dreaded because death thoughts were crossing my mind all the damn time. 

Death and loosing Bane's friendship. 

And if he was to cancel out of my airport transfer and I'd never see him again, it is what life is. "Life is beautiful", - I tried to calm myself as I saw a ladybird 🐞 all in red, sitting on a yellow-green bucket that morning whilst waiting for him to text more messages releasing me from my doubts. Why is he not mentioning the blog?

If I did upset you and you feel hurt, for that I apologise. More Sith traits to me than I'd ever admit.  

Full-heartedly, living the one-day-may-be -your-last-one philosophy,  I wish you love xoxo.

How my fear sounds in music tracks:

1. "Tell them all I know now, shout it from the roof tops" ~ James Arthur's version of the song 

2. "Unbreak My Heart" ~ Tony Braxton,  even though her mourning is different to my sadness, I feel everything she is saying as if there is a different portal in my heart now, unknown before Bane discovered the blog.

Post scriptum:

1. It turned to be a felt-through-to-the-bone blog article,  just the best type I am always aiming for, to post here. So there is always a good side to anything "bad"

2. I re-read the Lisbonese stories and did not change them, I kept them as they were before Bane found my blog

3. Whether he did my "airport transfer" and if I ever saw him again - to be continued 

4. Picture featured in this article is by Leonel Moura /  Amalia#6 / 1987